How to have a Nigerian Wedding on a budget?

Nov. 22, 2008 Editor's Note: Visit our blog by clicking on "Editors' Corner" on www.fabnaija.com If you've not heard, the economy is shot, people are losing their jobs, people are losing their savings on wall street, but more importantly, you've already sent out the save the date announcements or you've told your friends about your wedding or you'd really rather get married before you turn 30 (for whatever reason) and next year is the year you just have to get married. Now how do you do this on a budget? You still want the beautiful wedding; nice décor, good food, good music, nice dresses, but you are concerned about money. Nigerian weddings are much easier to hold on a budget. Even the fact that we generally have 2 weddings should not do too much havoc to your budget. Here are some tips to help you as you plan 1. You must set a budget. You absolutely must. And you must plan to spend less than you budget. Budget for every little thing. Pay cash if you can. Avoid the temptation to put some things on your credit card and then pay for other things with cash. If you use a credit card, try to use only a credit card for all your expenses and try to use the same credit card so you'll be aware of your total expenses. 2. Start booking venues and vendors on time. You can get really good deals if you book on time. Book on Friday or Sunday if you can afford to do that. They are usually cheaper. Also, remember that vendors are nervous about filing in their calendars for next year, so you might be able to cut a good deal if you book on time. 3. Compare prices: ask your married friends for their wedding vendor lists. Call around for different prices till you get a good price. But don't use a bad vendor just because she's cheap. 4. Most Nigerians have a traditional wedding as well as a white wedding. You might consider doing the traditional wedding next year and waiting on the white wedding. At least after the traditional wedding, you'll be considered married by the Nigerian community and you can get married in court and be "totally married." Our traditional weddings are generally cheaper, and your families (depending on the family) will consider you married. 5. For the traditional wedding, consider having it in someone's house instead of renting (most people do this already). 6. Limit the guest list. It's ok to have invitation only weddings. Just be sure to place "Invitation Only" in a prominent position on the Invitation Card. You don't need to invite people you can't afford to entertain. People will understand and if they don't, o well. Just remember that they won't be paying the bills for you. 7. Do It Yourself Projects: Asking your friends to help you with some projects can save money, but be careful what you delegate. 8. Be good to your friends and family members. Pick your wedding date on time and inform them so they can plan ahead. Be careful when choosing aso ebi. There's no need to have a dress code for every event (unless you're paying for it). Avoid the dress code for the party, the traditional wedding, the shower, the white wedding, etc. Aso ebi for one event is good enough. Times are tough so pick bridesmaids who can afford to buy the items (or pay for those who can't). Encourage your friends to be honest about what they can afford and don't guilt people who can't afford to attend all your events. 9. Rein in your parents. Remind them to finalize their guest list on time. You need to know how many people are flying in from Nigeria. You need to reserve hotels for them. 10. Enjoy!! Have a good time!!

Baby Mama – From Our Dating Editor

Oct 18, 2008 Watching a man with his kids…….such a beautiful, tender, awe-inspiring scene Seeing the love…..affection that is shared inspires a surprising longing A desire of sorts……..to be the recipient of such affection Or better yet…..to have birthed the cause of his affection….his….our….kids Subconsciously, I picture….wonder at….what they would look like……..our kids If they would have his smile, eyes, lips, charm, wit……his brains Subconsciously a smile appears at the image……..as I wound my arms tightly around myself …..instinctively around my womb…………..protecting our unborn child A child that I hope was conceived last night I am jarred awake…………..my thoughts/dreams rudely disrupted…..by a phone call She is calling…………the baby mamma She has another request……demand…………that must be met immediately And he's off to do her bidding……for the sake of his kids And I……I am left to pick up the pieces….and listen to him complain about her I have to listen to the complaints……………and yet my thoughts….opinions….do not count The kids are not mine so I am relegated to the sidelines And this is where the jealousy part kicks in I want him all to myself…………..I don't want to share him….not with her…or the kids For once I….not the kids or her…….want to come first But the boys come first with him……….always……..and she knows it She excels in usurping his time and focus, all on the pre-text of talking about the boys And I? I am being squeezed out of the little room I occupy in his life…..his heart The drama of dealing with a baby mamma……….I wouldn't wish that on my greatest enemy

Ten Ways to Lose a Naija Babe After the First Date

Sept 23, 2008 I have a lot of single friends and some married ones. Most of my married girl friends are married to Nigerians, except for one who hooked up with a Cameroonian guy. Finding the perfect Naija King to perfect your Naija mansion seems to have become the goal of many Naija babes. So with all this cooperation from the babes, you'd think Naija guys would find it rather easy to find their own Nigerian Queen. Not so I can't explain why Naija babes find it hard to find the One, but being a Naija babe myself and having done my fair share of staying awake late at night or waking up early to listen to my friends' gist about a date with a "quality Naija guy" that turned out horrible, I think I'm qualified to explain to my Naija guy friends (yahoozes and gentlemen alike) that there are certain things that are destined to crash a date with a Naija babe. To accomplish this all important task, I have called upon some of my good friends to tell some of their stories by themselves and in some way, help the Nigerian dating society. But I'll go first and post the rest later. Starting off with the First Way to Lose a Naija Babe After the First Date Tell her you expect her to cook for you from this day forward for the rest of her life. Don't run away, I'm not about to say women should not cook for their significant others. No way, no such thing. Just hear me out. Sometime ago, I went on a date with this guy that my friend had talked up pretty well. He was cute, he was handsome (yeah cute and handsome are 2 different things), he was kind, thoughtful, had a good job (a good provider, if you will), and most importantly, he was eager to meet me. Fast forward to the all important moment during the date where the Naija guy wants to know if I can cook. Really, this should not come up in the first couple dates at all. Anyway, even though I usually find this question quite annoying on a first date, I told him that I could cook. Then he wanted to know what I could cook and if I cook often and somehow in some way before I knew what was happening , he was telling me that he was sure I was looking forward to being pregnant and starting a family and cooking, yada yada yada. Why is this whole cooking conversation annoying? I'll tell you. The fact is in the Nigerian setting, the wife/mother is expected to cook or at least make sure food is available every day. So I say if you're not going to tell me something different…..say how you plan to relieve me of this duty say 3 to 4 times a week, then what really is the point of bringing up the cooking duty issue on a first date. I should be enjoying myself on a first date, not wondering about all the duties and burdens of marriage. Look at it this way, it's just like going on a date and having the girl remind you that she may be unable or unwilling to have sex during the last four months of pregnancy. Here you are single, pampered and the whole world is about you. Do you really need a vision of your life as you know it coming to an end? If you need something to talk about on a date, try these: - What do you do? - What is your job like on a daily basis? - What are your favorite foods? - Do you like watching Nigerian movies (many Naija babes dig Nigerian movies or at least have opinions about them) - What's your idea of the perfect vacation? So that's one of the ways. We'll post more soon. Naija babes, let us know your own thoughts. Ciao. One more thing…we know you're reading, but please leave comments so our editors will be encouraged to keep writing!!!! Posted in Notes From the Chief Editor Tags: babe, food, kitchen, Mansion, marriage, Naija, Naija babe, Nigerian, pregnant, Wedding, yahooze « The Bridesmaid from Hell!!!! Wedding website challenge » I thought the title was 10 ways? Edit Comment By: temi on October 15, 2008 at 10:17 pm Reply The editor wrote "So that's one of the ways. We'll post more soon. Naija babes, let us know your own thoughts." There are more coming. Edit Comment By: usnigerianevents on October 15, 2008 at 10:27 pm Reply

The Bridesmaid from Hell

August 26, 2008 In the interest of full disclosure, I must say that I am not the best bridesmaid a woman could have on her bridal train. In the wedding in question, I bitched about the style of the dress, the updo (which turned out to be quite beautiful if I should say so myself) and the style and color of the shoes. But what I lacked in bridemaidism-cooperation (if such a term exist), I more than made up for in excitement. I balled my eyes out when the wedding website was unveiled…..and I happened to be on rotations in a damn hospital (folks were wondering why this black chic was crying at work………….trust me, it wasn't a pretty picture). I lost composure when I saw her walk down the aisle on her wedding day. And that first dance…………..Lord, did I embarrass myself, and the poor guy sitting next to me. Okay…………since I have revealed all my sins, I am about to let my wrath out on the bridesmaid who will be referred to as "Bella". I have never met anyone who could do nothing right………….that is before I met Bella. Weeks after the wedding, I still can't figure out if she defied the bride's orders on purpose or if she was just plain clueless. My gut tells me that no one is that stupid………………..really!! As part of the bridal train, we were REQUIRED to have an updo, French pedicures, silver peep-toe shoes and a custom made dress……….simple requirements. With requirements this simple, you'd think that your bridesmaids would comply (albeit grudgingly) to your demands. NOOOOOOOOOOOOO…….not Bella!! Did that chic work my last nerves? She walked into the wedding rehearsal with an updo that looked nothing like what the bride desired. Heck, we found it hard to believe that she was using the updo for the wedding. And this, my dears, began a series of events that ended up irritating even the bride herself. Saying she did nothing right is the understatement of the year. Instead of French pedicures, she had on some silver nail polish thingy. Her updo was/is a mockery of anything called an updo. Her dress was extremely ill-fitting because she did not have a final fitting. The aso-ebi for the reception was non-existent. Her attitude throughout the wedding was one of selfishness——-nonchalance——lackadaisical——lordcouldIgoonandon And to top-off it all off, was the shoes…………..god the shoes. The bride requested silver-metallic shoes, she wore shoes that were akin to black. How does one confuse silver/metallic for black? Who is that stupid/selfish? Apparently Bella is!!!! Till the day I die, I will never forget the look (should I say shock) on the bride's face when she saw those shoes. LOL. If looks could kill. And you could see the damn shoes in some of the pictures. She's lucky the bride is the polite sort. I would have kicked her off my train. Her and that damned groomsman (Look for the Article featuring Ben…………coming soon) Bella……………lovely Bella. Somewhere during the reception, she melted into oblivion. Truly, no one knew what became of her after dinner. While, I am a big advocate of looking hot when on a bridal train. But abegi, to do Bridesmaid no be by force. Them no beg you to come do bridesmaid. Heck, Bella requested to be one. So if you can't comply with the wishes of the bride or you find her requests to be too idiotic/demanding/financially draining for you, then get off the damn train. So, to all the Bellas of this world……………beware the wrath of brides who think like me. Spare us the agony of dealing with your crap…………………..and the annoyance of seeing you ruin my wedding pictures. I paid for the damn wedding pictures. Don't ruin them, damn it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Please Invest in Your Wedding

August 26, 2008 My Reverie Exotic flowers cascading from every corner of the room, chandeliers in their exquisite beauty dropping down from several spots on the ceiling, top of the line photographers snapping guests posing in modelesque manners, teeth glistening like pearls in the moonlight, a cake that rises for what appears to be miles, guests all chattering and plates clinking as the silverware hits the smooth enamel of the dinner plates that hold the scrumptious meal that $100 per head would get you. All this is happening as Onyeka Onwenu's classics play softly in the back ground….the DJ is seriously representing!!! The hall is a master piece of what I would like to call the handi work of the crème de la crème of wedding planners, but there is only one problem….this is a reverie!!!! The Reality I snap out of my reverie as the irritating noise seems to seemingly escalate exponentially. The actual scene that permeates my senses is chaos as the guests stand up randomly to get the food that they have been craving for over 4 hours. They have sat through a wedding ceremony that lasted 4 hours (why did they need 4 pastors officiating the wedding and why did they actually have to have a service? Talking about the couple's first service together…tcheeewww), and have had to sit through another hour and a half of introductions of guests to be seated on the high table. All these mind you, without so much as a puff puff to silence the rumbling of our (the guests) hungry stomachs. "Here we go again", I mutter under my breath. The tables have soiled sheets thrown on them as though the process was an after thought. Some chairs have broken legs, the table is decorated with plastic flowers, styrofoam plates and silverware made of plastic spoons from the dollar store (I am sure I saw the exact replica there while shopping for our church's picnic two weeks ago). The hall seems like it had been haphazardly decorated as though the person doing the decorating was being swept away by the cops for an offence…"the violation of poor decorating skills," I think to myself. Some random person is taking pictures of the guests with a disposable camera and in the background, I hear several babies screaming their young lungs out as though it is the end of the world for them. I hear an argument erupt behind me and witness several guests run to a section of the room. My gaze follows the guests and catches the cake crashing down as the argument morphs into a boxing match between the maid of honor and the groom's sister. No joke o! On the poor bride's wedding day? People come on!!!! This was the scene from a real live wedding that took place earlier this year o!!! Honest to God! The source of this boxing match was STRESS!!! Let's take a short journey to explore the onset of this unfortunate occurrence. Several Months Before the Wedding The bride is seriously stressing out. The cost of her dream wedding seems to be way too exorbitant, so she decides to "trust" that she can plan the wedding herself. "Afterall wedding planners do it all the time", she thought. Plus, she always did have a good eye for colors and fabrics and decorating. She gets rid of the wedding planner and solicits the help of her equally artistic and stylish bridesmaids and sisters-in-law to help with the planning of the wedding. Everyone is glad to lend a helping hand and to be trusted with such sacred a task. The bride is SUPER content as she does the mental check note and congratulatory dance at the decision she has made; the decision that would ensure that she saves $20,000 but unbeknownst to her, cause her her temporary sanity. Moving on to a month before the wedding!!! 1 Month Before the Wedding The bride is scrambling around. Procrastination crept into the planning process and now, nothing has been done. The process of making the cake is still undetermined. The decoration of the hall has not been given a second thought since the bride asked for the support of her bridesmaids and sisters in-law. The bride's mother is constantly getting on her nerves. "Why is this woman harassing me", she thinks to herself. "After all, I have everything under control", she thinks as she rolls over on her bed and tries to relax her nerves by going to sleep, but the realization that nothing is getting done, especially with the wedding date approaching, keeps her awake. 1 week before the wedding The bride realizes that the help she has solicited is not reliable. See, it is extremely difficult to find people that will be 100% supportive of your ideas, especially if you are not paying them; everyone has an idea of how "it" should get done and when "it" should be accomplished. If you ever find people that are 100% supportive of your ideas, I beg you in the name of God, HOLD ON TO THEM AND NEVER LET THEM GO!!! Plus, working with 8 women with diverse backgrounds is just stirring room for trouble. But I digress!!! Back to the story!!! At this point, the bride has a general idea of what she wants but nothing concrete has been done to ensure that this "big picture" is achieved; the bridesmaids and sisters-in-law at least attempt to bury their dislike for one another—the dislike that this task they have been mandated by the bride to accomplish has caused. Everyone has their opinion and suggestion as to how things should be. Even the bride is confused at this point, but is hopeful that everyone would eventually be on the same page that she is on. 1 night before the wedding The bridesmaids and in-laws are trying to cook for 350 guests. Unbelievable!!! Nothing seems to be going well at all. All 8 women plus mothers, aunties, and cousins are crammed into the tiny kitchen and tempers are about to reach a feverish peak. The anger and irritation from phone calls that have been made back and forth during the previous week has transferred into the kitchen; it is so tense in there that the bride says a silent prayer to St. Philomena, her guardian saint, to prevent any out burst from occurring tonight. In addition, the hall that was supposed to have been decorated that night was still a sparse warehouse. Nothing has been done to ensure that it would get decorated in time for the reception. An aunty has been tasked to bake the cake, but she has not started the baking process. They have less than 18 hours to have everything complete, but the whole affair is nothing but chaos. The day of the wedding and part 1 of my thoughts The bride sure did save $20,000, but the wedding is a hot mess. Nothing is complete. They have managed to pull everything off, but the execution lacks the finesse that I believe every wedding deserves. I am all for weddings on a budget, but please, for this occasion, splurging a little bit is allowed ehn! A beg! And then, to make matters worse, the fight breaks out!!! Tension is so high at this point that it has resulted to physical blows exchanged by one of the bridesmaids and one of the bride's sisters-in law. Both women had gotten into a heated argument the night before and had, at that moment, decided to take on round 2 of the match. My question is why they did not exchange blows the night before so they could avoid the humiliation that they now caused the poor bride, the groom, themselves, and both families. At least if they had beaten themselves to stupor the night before, they would have taken some Advil or Tylenol, put an ice pack over their bruises, woken up to a new and bright day, covered those bruises by the ever faithful makeup (afterall, there is nothing that a good concealer, foundation, and press powder cannot hide), and pretended to be on civil terms with each other. Goodness gracious!!! The groom was so upset at everything (mind you, he gave his full support of the bride's thrifty idea o) and left the wedding! He did not even spend the night with the poor bride (the nerve of him, but that is another topic of discussion to be saved for a later date). So, while in the long-term, she saved herself and her hubby $20,000, the short-term repercussions were a huge disaster; the cons that this saving presented way outweighed the savings itself!!! My thoughts!!! Anyways, in case you have not figured it out and are wondering where I am going with this, it is simple….THIS IS NOT AN OCCASION TO BE A CHEAP SKATE!!!! Your wedding day should be a day of great excitement and relaxation for everyone involved. Lord knows that your family will get on your nerves, so just create enough space to accommodate their constant bickering, suggestions, ideas etc. All I have to say is the only suggestion I want on that day is the suggestion of giving me money to cover the expenses of the wedding; if the greasing of my palms with your money is not going to be a part of the suggestion, please save it until after the wedding day. By the grace of God, I will be in a financial position to hire a competent wedding planner who can stress over my day for me—afterall, it's not her day now ahn ahn—and figure out how to fix whatever loop holes she finds in the process. All I know is that I am going to pay her well for her services, so she had better not transfer the stress that my wedding day may present to me. So, if you are planning a wedding, abeg, find someone that is competent, set the ground rules (e.g. for each second they stress you about the details of the wedding, threaten to subtract $1 from their pay), relax with your hubby to be, and watch everything fall into place. Do you know of a good wedding planner? Please share the planner's information at http://www.fabnaija.com/.