Watching a man with his kids…….such a beautiful, tender, awe-inspiring scene
Seeing the love…..affection that is shared inspires a surprising longing
A desire of sorts……..to be the recipient of such affection
Or better yet…..to have birthed the cause of his affection….his….our….kids
Subconsciously, I picture….wonder at….what they would look like……..our kids
If they would have his smile, eyes, lips, charm, wit……his brains
Subconsciously a smile appears at the image……..as I wound my arms tightly around myself
…..instinctively around my womb…………..protecting our unborn child
A child that I hope was conceived last night
I am jarred awake…………..my thoughts/dreams rudely disrupted…..by a phone call
She is calling…………the baby mamma
She has another request……demand…………that must be met immediately
And he's off to do her bidding……for the sake of his kids
And I……I am left to pick up the pieces….and listen to him complain about her
I have to listen to the complaints……………and yet my thoughts….opinions….do not count
The kids are not mine so I am relegated to the sidelines
And this is where the jealousy part kicks in
I want him all to myself…………..I don't want to share him….not with her…or the kids
For once I….not the kids or her…….want to come first
But the boys come first with him……….always……..and she knows it
She excels in usurping his time and focus, all on the pre-text of talking about the boys
And I? I am being squeezed out of the little room I occupy in his life…..his heart
The drama of dealing with a baby mamma……….I wouldn't wish that on my greatest enemy
